Friday, December 18, 2009

Bamboozled

Recently while finding out what my weather "feels like" on weather.com I came across an ad for teeth whitening. My kids have been buggin me for teeth whitener, but it's so dang expensive. It looked like a screamin deal so I foolishly clicked around until I'd agreed to a "free" trial, only having to pay s and h (shipping and handling).

The whitener came, then kept coming. Each time it came, my bank account was deducted 80 big ones. The money gone like a fart in the wind (is Shawshank your favorite movie too?). I made frantic phone calls to "Dazzle Smile Premium White" explaining how I only wanted the "free" trial. They told me to return the product for a full refund.

Well I did return it. And when the money never got refunded, I made more frantic phone calls. Now, instead of telling me they need more time to process my return, they are actually telling me they are not going to refund my money. I know, rude!

Lucky for me my bank is going to dispute the debits from my account and if Dazzle Smile won't pay up, they'll credit my account. So here's a shout out to Central Bank for having my back even when I've played the fool. And may I offer some friendly advice? Teeth whitening is probably best negotiated by your dentist.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Trials

The other night my boy lay on my bed waiting for me to strap his brace on for the night. This means he lays face down, head turned to the right, left arm over his head, right arm down at his side. It's then my job to feel carefully for the spot just between the bottom of his ribs and the top of his hips so he's comfortable (if that's possible) in his brace. The last step requires I pull three Velcro straps tight so they reach a predetermined mark on the brace. I don't know if I'll ever be able to reach that mark, but I'm trying. Call me crazy, but I have a hard time cinching my son's shoulder blades together.

While we were going through this procedure, he asked me if I thought this was the biggest trial he would ever have to go through in life. I sighed, not wanting to be the bearer of bad news. I finally mustered the courage to tell him if that were true then he would be the luckiest boy in the wide world. I explained that though physical trials are indeed very difficult, it's often the trials that affect us emotionally that are the hardest. Then I told him how my Dad always used to say to me: That which does not destroy us, will make us stronger.

Personally, I feel trials are like exercise. The more you have, the easier they get. A positive attitude is most definitely helpful, which is why I adore my son for not complaining about the brace. And trials are a lot easier to negotiate if you're wearing comfortable clothes and some cool sneakers.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Another Christmas List

Yesterday was nuts. I was running from 5 am to 9 pm with not a minute to spare. When I came home from Young Women's I was spent and suffering from a terrible headache. Then I found a Christmas list from my little girl. This is what is said:

Load in. (meaning laundry)
Wash counter.
Clean up room.
Clean up Mom's room.
Put shoes in basket.
Clean kitchen table.
Water Christmas tree.
Done.

Each item had a square next to it that was X'd off when accomplished. What a joy to come home and find out someone (other than Bill O'Rielly) was looking out for me! Her Christmas stocking has an angel on it. How appropriate. She may just find a little something extra in her stocking this year. :0)

Monday, December 14, 2009

Gratitude

You're familiar with the old saying, "I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet." This actually happened to me last week, figuratively speaking.

I was feeling quite stressed with Christmas fast approaching, bills to pay, my son's college application, and unknown future possibilities. I let my grumpy mood overtake me.

Wednesday night we went to the high school to watch my beautiful, talented daughter dance at the half time of a basketball game. There is a large window that overlooks the court. As I glanced up at it, I saw a friend of ours. She is a mother about my age, with kids the same ages as my kids. She has been negotiating with cancer for many years now. We recently ran into her at the grocery store the day before Thanksgiving. She shared with us her glad news that her cancer was in remission and expressed her joy at the prospects of growing her hair back. Now it is less than a month later and her cancer is back.

As I watched her I was overcome with guilt. Here I was feeling irritated with the "what ifs" in my life when the "what ifs" in her life made mine pale in comparison. I can't imagine living with the prospect of "what if" I'm not here next year. So I've decided to put my life in perspective. I can deal with the issues on my plate, and I can deal with them with a positive attitude. I can look for opportunities to be a little kinder and a little more patient. I can live each moment with gratitude in my heart. Most importantly, I can remember what the Christmas season is all about - our Savior who died to save us all from the "what ifs" of life.

Friday, December 11, 2009

My Love Affair

I'd warn you not to tell my husband that I love another man, but he already knows. Lean in real close and I'll tell you his name. And no, it's not Tiger Woods! Are you ready? It's the sandman. Oh how I love the sandman.

Each night at nine o'clock the sandman and I have a date. I look forward to it all day. My kids have shamelessly outed me to friends and family. They tell how I start getting ready for this date shortly after dinner has been cleared from the table. Preparations include donning my favorite pajama bottoms. They are red flannel with wiener dogs and they were a hand-me-down from my husband's cousin. SUU t-shirt and wool socks come next. My hair gets pulled back in a ponytail and make-up gets washed off with Vaseline since I'm too cheap to purchase eye make-up remover. On a side note, I've been using Vaseline to take off my mascara for 25 years. Just last night I noticed a warning on the jar that said, "Do not get into eyes." Who knew?

As the evening passes by I anxiously check the clock like a kindergartner on Christmas Eve. I grow giddy as the nine o'clock hour nears. When the time finally arrives I order children to gather for prayer. Hugs, kisses and expressions of love are given. Then that's it, I'm done. No more questions, no more homework help, no more phone calls. We crank up our fan for white noise and the sandman and I are finally reunited (and it feels so good). We stroll off together and in moments visions of sugar plums are dancing in my head.

If I've been careful with my beverage consumption, my date with the sandman usually lasts about eight hours. Then we've got to part ways for 16 hours. Oh the long, long 16 hours. So here's to you, Mr. Sandman. I hope our love affair never ends.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

A Season For Giving

Don't know if you've heard, but Christmas is drawing nigh. Time for finding the perfect gift is running out. But, I bring you tidings of comfort and joy because my best friend has a website that will help you give the gift of a gift card with a few bells and whistles too. Giving has never been so easy. Check it out @ http://www.giftcardgirlfriend.com/

Be sure to enter the gift card giveaway. This little reminder is a gift from me to you because I am also entered in the giveaway and by inviting you to enter, I'm lessening my chances to win. See how generous I'm being this Christmas season? You're welcome!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Christmas Wishes

Last night my son came to me with his Christmas list. I'll share it with you now.

10. A NEW CAR!
9. 5 golden rings
8. A flat screen TV to go in my bedroom
7. A little brother
6. My heart back
5. A snow globe
4. 140 gigabyte for my new car
3. A new English teacher
2. Billy Mays commercials on DVD
1. Fat Head

This was followed up with his REAL Christmas list.

10. A new ipod
9. New shoes
8. I don't have an "8" so I trust you to get me something cool
7. A new football - Wilson GST with black laces found at Sports Authority
6. To sleep in until 6:45 on school days (his bus comes at 7 mind you)
5. A quarterback wrist band from Dad's office
4. New golf clubs
3. Seeing Dad become the best Offensive Coordinator ever
2. New games for the Wii
1. Your love

Monday, December 7, 2009

Baby It's Cold Outside

Though winter isn't officially here until Dec. 21st, I've certainly felt Jack Frost nipping at my nose. Here are a few things we do to negotiate the cold at our house in an effort to keep ourselves toasty warm. . .

Rice Bags. If you haven't heard of these, you're missing out. To make a rice bag, you simply need a piece of fabric (we used a piece about 2 ft by 1 ft) and some rice. Sew the fabric together around the edges, being sure to leave an open spot for the rice. Turn it right-side out. Fill it up with rice and sew up the hole. Whenever you feel a chill, simply put the bag in the microwave for approximately three minutes and then snuggle up with it. It's also great for tummy aches. If you choose a cute Christmas fabric, it will magically turn into a great Christmas gift for friends and neighbors.

Hot Cocoa. My youngest girlie is the hot cocoa maker in our house, thanks to a great gift given to us called the "cocomotion" (thanks Sara!). Simply put your cocoa of choice in the cocomotion (we use candy cane cocoa), add milk, and push a button. In moments you'll be warming up from the inside out!

Ironing sheets. This is a trick I learned from my mom as she did it for me when I was a kid. Simply plug in the iron near your bed and then iron the sheets (while they're on your bed mind you). Be sure to get way down low where your feet go, that's the best part. Then jump in (being sure to unplug the iron so you don't get REALLY toasty in the night with a house fire) and drift off to dreamland where you'll dream of yourself on sandy beaches.

Drying clothes. This trick is one of my favorites and helps the kiddies be motivated to get their clothes on in a hurry. All you gotta do is put their clothes they've picked out for the day in the dryer and run it about ten minutes. Then get them out and put them on in an instant. I highly recommend the socks go in too as keeping the tootsies warm is of the utmost importance.

Snuggle. A super great way to keep warm, and probably my favorite, is a good old-fashioned snuggle. Not to be confused with the "snuggie," a snuggle is where you and someone you really like sit right next to each other. Arms are wrapped around one another and heads are nuzzled into necks. Legs are entwined and body heat is shared. You'll find that once the snuggling has begun, the heat in your heart will increase three-fold and the love that you feel will likely keep you warm for hours on end.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Schedules

Here's what my day looks like:

4:37 am Wake up due to bladder that is toast.

5:00 Get Emily up - make her Carnation Instant Breakfast (CIB).

5:45 Take Emily to dance (10 miles round trip).

6:15 Get Jamison up - make him CIB. Dress him cause he can't bend at the waist.

7:00 Take Jamison to bus stop.

7:15 Get Alex up - make him CIB.

7:45 Get Maggie up - make her an Eggo.

8:00 Encourage Alex to stop looking at Cougar highlights and go to school.

8:30 Take Maggie to school.

9:00 Give blood.

10:00 Stop at WalMart to pick up necessary items.

11:00 Make tomato soup for lunch.

11:30 Go to work at elementary school a.k.a. babysit other people's kids for four hours

3:30 Pick up Maggie and come home.

4:00 Take Jamison to basketball practice (30 miles round trip!)

4:30 Self-medicate with Coca-Cola

5:00 Make dinner

6:00 Go to Young Womens

8:00 Come home and try to negotiate a real connection with husband I haven't seen all day.

9:00 Go to bed, so I can do it all over again tomorrow!

Monday, November 30, 2009

Addiction

Hi. My name is Suzanne. (Now you all say, "Hi, Suzanne"). I'm addicted to Afrin. I've been using now for 10 days. It all started with a severe sinus infection that turned into mild bronchitis which in turn caused a humongo cold sore on my top lip. Thus, Afrin has become my drug of choice. I guess I just have a thing for breathing at night while I'm sleeping. Breathing, that is, with my mouth closed. Once, while suffering from a cold, I actually tried sleeping with a straw in my mouth just so I could sleep with my mouth shut. It didn't work so of course I had to resort to my old pal Afrin.

Don't worry about me though. I'm on antibiotics and as soon as my sinuses are clear again - I'll start the detox process. Detox means only using in one nostril and alternating nostrils until I can breath on my own again.

In the meantime, if you feel the need, you are welcome to send chocolate to comfort me until I am done negotiating my addiction.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My Son Ferris Bueller

When my boy was in third grade, he came home one day with his school pictures. I immediately asked him to hand it over for inspection. I scanned the rows looking for his face. Our family is usually on the front row due to a height challenge. But I actually found him on the third row back. He looked like he had just got the surprise of his life. His mouth was wide open, and his eyes were big as saucers. We laughed ourselves silly.

A few years later he was at school having the eye test. Just for fun he decided to fail it on purpose. He squinted and squirmed and called every F a P and every C an O. He was taken aside afterwards by a kind elderly lady who said, "Sweetheart, when you get home you need to tell your parents to make you an appointment at the eye doctor." He laughed all the way back to class.

More recently he had to miss a football game for his back brace check up. His team wore his number on their helmet. The team called him before the game. They were seriously in tears. I wanted to remind them this isn't cancer people, it's just a back brace. But I let them have their moment of inspiration.

At school he is loved by all, including the staff. When they had intramural football games during lunch last week, we were out of town. They decided to hold off playing until he came back! Several teachers enjoy having him come to their classroom just to hang out and talk Cougar football. And don't even get me started when it comes to his coaches. They are crazy for the kid.

So yesterday my husband and I were picking him up from school and we asked ourselves, "who is this kid?" Then it hit us: we're raising Ferris Bueller! Only one day he'll decide to take the day off school and the principal will call to see if he can join him.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Thankful

Today I am thankful. We had a great report from the Dr. at Primary Children's Hospital. My boy looks good! So he keeps wearing the brace and we come back in six months. We'll keep this routine going for the next six years, hopefully with the same great results.

I'm thankful too for health. While at the hospital we saw lots of kids. Kids in wheelchairs. Kids with scars and sutures from surgery. Kids with birth defects. Kids with trouble greater than that of my boy. I pray for them.

I'm thankful too for family. While we were in town my mom and I spent time together and my wish was her command. She came with us to the doctor just in case we had another "fall off my chair" moment. Thank heavens we didn't! We did some Christmas shopping and ran necessary errands together. She is our angel and I'm so blessed to call her mother.

I'm thankful too for the love and support of family. Friday night, after a long day spent at doctor offices I was lucky enough to have my sister-in-law (who is a masseuse, and a nurse and a mother of eight) give me a full body massage. It was awesome. And after, she fed me homemade wheat bread with honey collected from their very own beehive in their backyard. To die for I tell ya. I'm thankful too for good food.

I'm thankful too to be home today with my handsome husband. Thankful the football season is over and we can now enjoy the holidays together. Holidays that are meant to remind us to be thankful.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Check Up

We're in Salt Lake for my boy's back check up.

Wish us luck!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

K-I-S-S-I-N-G

Big news on the kindergarten playground yesterday. Fred and Daphne were kissing on the school bus on their way to school. (names changed to protect identity)

I can't decide if this is a cute story, or a sign of the apocalypse.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Memory Lane

Recently I've been listening to the all-Christmas radio station. I love it because I can hear all the old classics I know from when I was a kid. One of my favorites is "Walking In A Winter Wonderland" by Johnny Mathis.

And when I listen to old Christmas songs, I remember that Johnny Mathis was my Dad's favorite singer. I grew up in the 80's listening to Madonna and Boy George. My Dad would always say to me, "Can they sing Moon River?" I thought he was ridiculous until I grew up and had kids and understood what he was talking about. There is just something about a classic sound. No synthesizers, no gimmicks.

And thinking about being a kid reminds me of the Christmas when we had a flocked tree that was decorated with only red lights. The ornaments were little mirrors, different shapes, that my mom glued red ric-rac on around the edges.

And thinking about that Christmas tree will make me hungry for the homemade treats my mom used to make (and still does make with my kids today). Divinity, fudge and suckers flavored with cinnamon, butterscotch and peppermint. Yum.

And my mouth watering will make me want to run to the corner gas station for a treat.

And on my way I hear Johnny Mathis singing "Walking In A Winter Wonderland."

Click here to enjoy it for yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crXJ81GjCWY&feature=related

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Perspective

I like my job at the elementary school, which is good because it used to be that other people's kids weren't my favorite. I really didn't like negotiating with other people's kids. I guess when my own kids were little, I'd had enough snot and tears so that other people's snot and tears pushed me a bit over the edge. Or it could be that I've matured and gained a little perspective so that snot and tears don't bug me like they used to.

My job title is "intervention aide." I guess intervention is the new resource. Resource must have gained a bad reputation over the years. Resource is defined as: a source of support or aid. Intervention is defined as: interference in the affairs of another. From my perspective, resource seems like the better choice. Nonetheless, my job is to help kids who are either falling behind their class, or who are getting ahead of their class (so basically intervening in their affairs).

One of my groups is kindergarten. Yesterday I stopped in the kindergarten room to pick up my 14 friends who need help learning their letters. One girl, who is not in our group, stood up when I entered the room and said, "I've never had a turn to go with you. Not once. I want a turn!" I loved how, from her perspective, theses kids who were taken out of class each day for 20 minutes were the lucky ones. Little does she know water boarding is a great way to teach the alphabet.

So I suppose life is how you look at it. Me, myself, I'm a "glass is half full" kinda gal. I agree with the perspective of a little girl who thinks that any individualized attention must be a good thing.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Dinner

I'm trying to negotiate what's for dinner. Since it's rainy and cold outside. . .I choose this:

Slow-Cooker Chicken Tortilla Soup
(courtesy of allrecipes.com)

Ingredients:
1 pound shredded cooked chicken
(I use a couple cans of chunk white chicken to make life easier)
1 (15 oz) can whole peeled tomatoes - mashed
1 (10 oz) can enchilada sauce
1 medium onion, chopped
1 (4 oz) can chopped green chile peppers
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 cups water
1 (14.5 oz) can chicken broth
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon chili powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1 bay leaf
1 (10 oz) package frozen corn
1 tablespoon chopped cilantro

Directions:
Place chicken, tomatoes, enchilada sauce, onion, green chiles, and garlic into a slow cooker. Pour in water and chicken broth and season with cumin, chili powder, salt, pepper and bay leaf. Stir in corn and cilantro. Cover and cook on low setting for 6 to 8 hours or high setting for 3 to 4 hours.

I like to buy hard shell corn tortillas and crunch them up over the soup before eating. It's best if you squeeze them in your hand then blow them into your soup like Nacho does in Nacho Libre. Also quite tasty if you add sour cream and guacamole.

Dinner problem solved.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

The Human Touch

Our family uses the word "mug" as a verb, not meaning we physically assault each other, but that we physically give love one to another. A "mug" usually consists of a hug and a kiss. I often tell my husband or kids that I need to "mug" on them. Mugging is something I like to do when I'm putting them to bed or waking them up in the morning.

I was thinking about this because each morning and night when I'm helping my boy put his brace on, I take a few minutes to mug on him and his back. I get out the lotion and rub his back down to help with the stiffness he gets from being locked up in a brace all day and night. It has turned into a small ray of sunshine in the gloom that is the brace. It is a moment we connect and I enjoy giving him a little relief.

My mother is actually the person who has taught me the importance of the human touch. My father passed away of "early on-set Alzheimer's" at the age of 55. He was in a care facility the last two months of his life. During this time my mother would spend evenings at the care facility giving hand and foot massages, not only to my father but to all the residents of the facility. She knew that physical attention and love can penetrate deep, even to someone who is mentally unaware. I know that she is right.

I believe the human touch is slipping away in a world of technology where we can conduct all our business without even leaving our house. Kids are losing the ability to interact socially because all they do is text. This is why I like to look at name tags. When I'm getting my Coke fix at Wendys I can say, "Thanks Carlos! You're doing a great job, keep up the good work." My kids beg me not to do this, and even though it's not a physical touch, it's a connection and I like it.

So my negotiation du jour will be to find more opportunities to mug!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Challenge

Last August my husband's little sister was in a terrible plane crash. If you don't know the story, her blog is nieniedialogues.blogspot.com. She is an amazing woman and hers is an amazing story of survival. What I want to share is how her accident changed our lives.

Shortly after the accident, life was pretty darn serious. Our dear sister and her husband lay in a coma for three months. There were days we weren't sure if they would survive. Daily activities, such as shopping at WalMart or running through In-N-Out for a burger felt pretty silly. I consistently thought, "How can I be doing these things while our family members cling to life?" But life marched on, so we had to carry on.

During this sensitive time in life we inadvertently cut the world out of our life. Frivolous songs on the radio were replaced with quiet music, often times hymns. Reality TV got turned off and good books were read. Mindless activities like video games were traded in for board games played together around the kitchen table.

As time went by our loved ones got better, came home from the hospital, and continue to make efforts to heal. It only seemed natural that it was time to let the world back into our life. Only thing is, we found we didn't like the world so much anymore. It wasn't hard to recognize how harsh outside influences are and how they hurt the tender new spirits we'd developed. My kids were actually asking me to turn the radio off and put the hymns back on!

So I'm throwing out a challenge. A challenge for you to turn off the junk on the radio and replace it with uplifting music, books on CD, or perhaps the 24/7 Christmas channel. Turn off the guilty television pleasures that you enjoy after the kids have gone to bed. Read a good book instead. May I suggest the conference issue of the Ensign that just came out? Make some time for family time. Time to share a laugh and make some fun memories together.

Give it a few weeks and see if you don't notice a difference in your life. I guarantee you will. Also, I'd love to hear about it. I've fixed my "comments" so anyone can leave one without jumping through hoops. There are so many ways to negotiate how we will spend our valuable time. May I suggest we choose the better part.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Good Advice

Sunday was our Stake Conference. When we arrived we found that we would be taking part in a conference involving 72 stakes. We had the pleasure of watching a broadcast from the conference center in Salt Lake City. President Eyring was one of our speakers. He gave us good advice on how to keep the Spirit with us. I'd like to share it with you.

First, start each day with prayer. I agree that this is a must. I'd let my kids go to school naked before I'd let them go without a prayer. In fact, you might as well be going out naked if you haven't had a prayer because you will be just as susceptible to the elements. Not weather, mind you, but Satan's elements of deception.

Second, choose to be in safe places. He said that we should choose to be in places where Satan is less likely to tempt us. For kids, that would mean places like seminary. It would also mean staying away from places where the Spirit cannot attend you. For adults, it means places like the temple.

Third, he spoke of being "spiritually sensitive." The power to resist Satan comes from the Holy Ghost. We must be obedient to the commandments so the Holy Ghost can be with us. If we are spiritually sensitive, we will be able to determine those activities and thoughts that invite faith in Christ and invite the Holy Ghost to be our constant companion. What a blessing!

Negotiating our way through life is difficult. I know of no better way to ease these negotiations than by following the advice of our leaders. I am thankful for leaders like President Eyring who encourage us with good advice.

Monday, November 9, 2009

H1N1

This weekend I left my kids to negotiate life for themselves. I felt like a captain abandoning ship. While I would be taking a private charter with my husband to South Dakota, my kids would be following a typed schedule posted on the fridge of who needs to be where, when. The schedule was pretty hectic, but all that went out the window when I got a call from my youngest.

The airplane has just touched down and we had barely received the announcement that it was o.k. to turn on our cellular devices. It was then that my phone rang. "Mom, I feel sick - hold on a minute (the sound of hurling, then crying). Mom, I just threw up. Can you come back home?" Awesome. Lucky for us my high-schoolers were at lunch together and a were easily reached. They were able to pick her up before the sawdust even dried in the hallway.

So the weekend of high hopes went straight away down the drain. The T-Birds lost, I didn't get to see Mt. Rushmore or my husband. Instead I spent the weekend alone in an ugly hotel room texing correct amounts of medicine, telling them what to do for a fever, and reminding them to keep a bucket close by so there wouldn't be a mess to clean up. The kids spent the weekend sipping soda while lying on the couch bed.

I had really hoped we would be able to avoid the swine flu. When Dr. Oz said one in three would get the H1N1 virus this winter, I knew we were done for. Seeing as there's six of us, I guess we've got one down and one to go.

Friday, November 6, 2009

South Dakota

I'm off to South Dakota today with my husband to see the Thunderbirds play football. Things I hope to see while I'm there:

1. my husband
2. a T-bird victory
3. Mount Rushmore

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Kindergarten Babies

I recently became employed at an elementary school. One of my responsibilities is to supervise "kindergarten arrival." This means the kids are dropped off by the bus or parents at 12:25 but they aren't let in their classrooms until 12:45, so they play on the kindergarten playground for 20 minutes and are supervised by me.

When I was in kindergarten, older kids would yell "kindergarten babies, born in the gravy." I have no idea what that means. It can't be that bad, gravy is mmm-mmm-good. I guess that's why kindergarten kids have their own playground now, so as to not be teased and taunted by older kids.

My baby is nine, so hanging out with kids who are five has reminded me of what innocence is all about. These kids have no inhibitions. Some things I've heard on the playground include, "Wanna be friends? Sure! Friends forever." "Who wants to play pirate?" (That one was yelled really loud). "Your hair looks cute today." "Let's hold hands."

I love to see them negotiate games of tag and duck, duck, goose. They have few insecurities that I can see and they certainly don't fear the swine flu. I love the openness and love the kids have for each other. I think we could learn a lot from these little people.

They say youth is wasted on the young. I disagree.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Pucker Up

My mom loves to iron. In fact, when I was a kid, she ironed my jeans. That's right, creases in the jeans. I think I hid my jeans, just so they couldn't be ironed. I hate to iron. Negotiating a hot iron can be difficult, one look at my forearms is proof of this. But I did learn from my mother that clothes that are ironed look more classy than wrinkled ones. So I iron.



My husband is a college football coach. On game day I like to iron his clothes so he looks classy when he wins. This past Saturday I was in a hurry and I put a hot iron, a hot iron set to "wool," onto 100% polyester game-day pants that require a "cool iron." The result? Puckered pants.



I went to my husband with a sorry face and "exhibit A."



His reply? "You can pucker my pants any time."



It's good to be loved.

Negotiating Small Town Lingo, N'Stuff

We live in a small town. The kind of town that people have never heard of and you have to tell them the larger city next to it before there is an understanding of where you're at. Shortly after we moved here we noticed most people added the words "n' stuff" to the end of their sentences. For example, "I just went rock climbing, n'stuff" or "I'd like pancakes for breakfast, n'stuff." At first, we were confused and tried to make sense of it. We tried to figure out what this extra "stuff" was everyone was talking about. Then we were amused and began counting "n'stuffs" during conversations to see who could come up with the most. I once counted 18. We are easily amused.

One time I was in WalMart trying to get an extra key made. The gentleman at the counter said, "We don't got those kind of keys, n'stuff. You'll have to go to old man Nisson's place to get one." And I'm thinking, "Old man Nisson? Am I guest starring on an episode of Scooby-Doo?" Then I find out that no, Scooby and the globetrotters are not in town. Mr. Nisson has a store down the street from WalMart and it's probably been there since the town was founded.

In fact, Mr. Nisson also owned a grocery store in town that recently went out of business. Our local newspaper told the story. There was a quote from a 100-year old woman who was asked how she felt about the store going out of business. She said, "That really rankles my cockles." Now this is something I had to take to Dictionary.com to figure out. Turns out it means she wasn't too happy about it.

Another phrase people in our small town like to use is: "up north." Whenever they are traveling in a northern direction, they are going "up north." At first we thought maybe they're going to The Great White North (which, if you're going to Cedar City you might as well be because it's just as cold). Then we realized everyone was using it even though they were headed different places. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that our town is situated in the Southern-most edge of the state - only six miles from the boarder of Arizona. So I guess everywhere else in the state actually is "up north." Even still, I guess I'm a fan of specifics.

I'm also a fan of the city. Small towns are beautiful and I enjoy living here, but I prefer tall buildings and hustle and bustle. I prefer places to go and things to do. I prefer the big city, n'stuff.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!
I think you either love Halloween, or don't like it so much. I'm on the don't like it so much side. BUT - I do love treats so that's a bonus for me. This is a picture of my neighbor's house and I think it is the most clever decoration I've ever seen. That is to say if it's not really a dead guy they're waiting to bury! If that's the case, I don't think I'll let my girls baby sit for them anymore.

Friday, October 30, 2009

One Foot Out The Door

My oldest son is 17. He is a senior in high school. I never see him. He leaves in the morning to lift weights with the football team before school, then goes to school. By the time he gets home from school I'm walking out the door to take younger siblings to dance and football practice. When I get back home, he's gone to football practice of his own. When he gets home, I'm going to bed so I can get up at five a.m. and take my daughter to dance. We do get a moment in the morning when I mix up his morning breakfast and again at night when we say good night and end the day with a prayer of thanks.

I'm a lucky mother because every day for the last several years my son has said to me: "I'll tell you about my day." He then proceeds to give me every and any detail of his day. (I know, I'm lucky). I know where he ate for lunch, and with who. I know which teachers are driving him nuts and what he's got to do for the next day. They say knowledge is power and boy howdy is that true when you've got teenagers.

So when this new school year brought us dueling schedules, I suddenly noticed a void in my life. My knowledge and power were out the window and my boy was flying solo. I hated my lack of control. He had one foot out the door and I almost wished he'd just walk out and shut the door behind him. It was too hard having him here, but never seeing him and not being able to help.

Then it hit me. This is what I'd been working towards his whole 17 years of life. I'd been teaching him how to use his wings these many years so that when the time came, he could fly solo successfully. And you know what? He's flying beautifully!

Instead of hating the fact that we never have quality time together. I'm negotiating time. I'll stay up later than I'd like so I can hear his "I'll tell you about my day" stories. We'll make a quick trip to a nearby gas station for an ice-cream cone after school before we go our separate ways. We even planned a trip to see his favorite team the Denver Broncos play in a Monday Night Football game. We had a blast and made memories that will last long after he's gone off to college.

I also realized that your kids will always be your kids. Lucky for me, it will never end. Families are forever and I look forward to hearing stories about my kids' days, and my grand kids' days, and so on and so on for all eternity.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Haven't Met You Yet

Last Friday night I watched my beautiful 15-year old daughter perform at half-time of the high school football game. She is on the dance team at the high school and she is amazing. As I watched her dance, I thought to myself: "Some lucky guy is going to get swept off his feet by her. I wonder what he's up to tonight."



After the game my 9-year old daughter and I drove home together. As we negotiated the twists and turns of the roads that led us home, we heard a new song on the radio by Michael Buble (another one of our favorites) called "Haven't Met You Yet." Watch it on YouTube here.



Ironic - how I was just thinking about the great guy that's out there who will one day walk into the life of my darling daughter and then that song came on - don't ya think? Hopefully it's a sign she'll meet someone as cute and talented as Michael Buble!

Meet Harvey


Two weeks after getting the news that my son would need to start wearing a back brace, and one week after being casted for it, and $2,500 later, we finally got it. The instructions were to start wearing it at night, while sleeping, to get used to it.

Like sleeping in a two foot piece of plastic cinched on you like a girdle is going to get you used to it.

Further instructions were to care for the brace like we would our son. For example, if we wouldn't leave our son in a hot car, then we shouldn't leave the brace in a hot car either. We made our way home and I dropped my son off to hang out with friends. I put the brace in the front seat, so as to care for it like a son, and I continued to run various errands around town. At the end of the day, I had nicknamed the brace. He was, after all, going to be part of the family for the next six years and I was going to be caring for him like a son. I call him Harvey, after the film of the same name starring Jimmy Stewart. In the film, Harvey is an invisible white rabbit. I felt like the name fit since Harvey is not real, but will be a very real part of our life.

My son is a champ. He has been wearing the brace full time now for two weeks and I've not heard a complaint from him - except when his skin got pinched and he yelled "Harvey bit me!" I guess my next task is negotiating sibling rivalry.

One, Two, Dancing With You

My 12-year old son was diagnosed with scoliosis at age one. We've monitored it closely ever since. This past August was his most recent check-up. It was the last week of summer. We had to travel from our home in Southern Utah to Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake City for the appointment. My four kids and I enjoyed the drive while listening to some of our favorite tunes. Mindy Gledhill is one of our favorites so when her song "Dancing With You" came on, my 12-year old, who was sitting solo in the very back seat, started singing along with Mindy.

A moment later my phone was vibrating in my pocket. "Hello?" On my phone I heard my son serenading me from his phone in the back seat. "One, two, dancing with you. Oh and three, four, my face touches yours. Five, six, seven - oh heaven - eight, nine, ten comes too soon when I'm singing and dancing with you." I must have had a grin similar to the Cheshire cat. I thought he was hilarious and loved looking in the rear view to see him singing and swaying as he sung to me.

The next day we went to his check up. As we sat in the waiting room I told him he would never have to wear a brace as he had had his curves since birth and they hadn't changed yet. 20 minutes later I was trying to keep myself from falling off my chair as the Dr. told us his curves had indeed worsened and he would now need to wear a plastic body brace until he was done growing - so maybe for the next six years.

I fought back tears for my son. I didn't want him to think it was time to panic. We left the hospital and I told him of all the things that could be worse, then we drove in silence for a time. Again my phone began to vibrate in my pocket. This time a text. It read: "One, two, dancing with you. Oh and three, four, my face touches yours. Five, six, seven - oh heaven - eight, nine ten comes too soon when I'm singing and dancing with you." Cue the tears that now flowed unstoppable the rest of the way home and into the next two days.

Love can negotiate anything.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Motherhood - My Secret Life As A Hostage Negotiator

I've been a mother for almost 18 years now. During those 18 years I've yearned to write a book titled "Motherhood - My Secret Life As A Hostage Negotiator." I pictured on the cover a mother and child. The child would be holding a permanent marker and the mother would be saying "Put the permanent marker down and no one gets hurt!" Why we mothers even purchase permanent markers is a question for the ages.

My book title got me thinking about life's negotiations and how motherhood really is a constant negotiation. It starts the minute you're pregnant. You negotiate with the heavens that you'll never make another wrong choice if you could just stop throwing up for a couple of hours. Or childbirth where you negotiate your husbands life if someone will just get the child out of you. And soon you're negotiating with the powers that be that you'll be eternally faithful if your child would sleep for several consecutive hours. Then the negotiations start with child. You have one more bite of broccoli and I'll let you go from the dinner table. You don't scream in the shopping cart at WalMart and I'll buy you a treat. You get dressed and I'll not care if it doesn't match.

The hostage in the scenario is, of course, me. I'm constantly negotiating myself out of difficult situations in order to save myself from collateral damage. I'm the one who will suffer the most if I don't negotiate carefully. The trick, I've learned over the past 18 years, is in the give and take. Mostly in your willingness to surrender more give and take less.

Since my book has been floating around my head for 18 years now, I figured I better start getting it on paper - or at least on computer. Thus my blog "Life's Negotiations" where I'll keep a record of my negotiations in hopes that my posterity can look back on my life and learn something from all my hard work and effort.